How to Embrace ALL of Who You Are
It’s been a month since I began boarding Detail and Playboy at a beautiful new barn and it’s freed up my time immensely. Detail is fed twice a day, Playboy is fed 3 times a day, and that’s 90 times someone else has fed my horses this past month. 90 times I didn’t have to put on muck boots or shake loose hay out of my shirt.
It’s an amazing feeling pulling up to the ranch and seeing the wonderful caretaker shoveling manure, and not me. Hiring others to care for my horses has drastically changed my days of “have-tos ” (shoveling manure, dumping manure, throwing bales of hay, raking up dropped hay, measuring grain, measuring supplements) into “want-tos” (equine coaching, grooming, riding). I get excited to drive to the ranch, and it’s liberating to come and go as I please.
I love living in Denver even more than I could have imagined. It’s surpising how quickly I’ve adapted to city life after hanging my hat on ranch life the past 3.5 years.
I’m grateful I followed my intuition to live in the country, and I learned a lot about myself during that time. I love wide open spaces and I’ll always need that in my life. I love horses and I’m passionate about equine coaching, but I’m not passionate about expending time and energy doing endless ranch chores.
I’m also dating again and I’ve come to the enlightening conclusion that I don’t need a man who loves horses and can ride. Does he need to like animals? Yes. Does he need to know how to saddle a horse or round up cattle? No. This makes the dating pool much wider.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell
My world has expanded since I moved back to Denver and it’s been a substantial change. Parts of me are coming to the surface after being dormant the past few years. The part who likes to wear dresses and has a reason to shave my legs more than once in a blue moon. Who loves to soak in a bathtub (my new home has a clawfoot tub!), and listen to Diana Krall while sipping a glass of wine. The part who enjoys hosting friends for dinner (I’m learning how to cook) and has a full-size kitchen complete with a dishwasher.
Change is scary and it’s necessary. It’s what helps us evolve and grow into the person we are meant to become. It took months of tough soul searching and abrupt wake up calls to realize my soul was calling me to expand but my ego was resisting change. I’d been limiting myself and scared to move outside my comfort zone, and away from my familiar “country horsewoman” label. That will always be a part of who I am, but it’s not all of who I am. By also embracing my inner “city woman,” I feel happier, and less confined.
“Every next level of your life will demand a different version of you.” – Author unknown
We don’t have to be one way or another….when we give ourselves permission to embrace all of who we are, we feel WHOLE.
I’d love to hear from you…do you feel like you have completely opposite sides? Share in the comments below.
The urban cowgirl,
Perfectly said Devon. What strikes me most beyond the obvious (that change is hard and scary) is how very brave you are and how self aware you are of what you want and need to be WHOLE. Is it a balancing act or a Journey? I don’t know yet myself and I am twice your age! I am a (member of the establishment) retired public servant and a mother and I have a mortgage. But I am, and I am also a seeker and free spirit. I have lived as a sort of world traveller hippie type, happy in my tent on the beach untethered to discover new places, and new ideas about people, customs, traditions, and especially about myself. Both. Are me. I cant do either justice to try to have it all simultaneously but in their own time yes. So for the duration of my service as “mother” which is is noble and satisfying I remain responsible for the immediate wellbeing of my daughters.
I hope when it is truly time I am brave enough to take the Leap!
What an inspiring share! Thanks Devon! Have a glass of wine for me next time you are pampering Yourself!
Tammy, thank you for reading and for your beautiful comment. I believe it’s both a journey and a balancing act. Some chapters are more balanced than others but it’s ALL a learning experience of getting closer to our authentic self or further away.
I love your description of letting different parts of yourself be seen (and run free) at different times. You are one of the bravest people I know, and I admire your authenticity and always have, since the moment we met for 9 Gates. I LOVE your depth and ability to keep it real.
I will definitely have a glass of wine for you while listening to Abraham Hicks. Alcohol meets spirituality! All part of embracing the dualities 🙂 Much love soul sister, XO
Love this post as I went from a small town girl to city living. However, I can enjoy both worlds as living in the city but being able to leave the city behind and come out to the ranch. I can hate being outside in the heat while here at home, but love it more than anything when with horses. It’s nice to be able to have the two different sides specially when I need to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city to find piece out at the ranch or other smaller CO towns. I love the saying on one of my decor boxes: “You can take a girl out of the country but you can’t take the country out of a girl.” So true. I bet it is so freeing to be able to come and go as you please the biggest thing I miss I can never leave work. Change is scary as its unknown but I have came to the conclusion that might as well give it a try. 9 mns ago my life at this moment was change forever. Exactly 9 mns ago I was sitting in the hospital room holding T, not realizing that my life was going to forever change in more ways than I knew. If I wouldn’t have taken that chance for adoption, I don’t know where I would be today as I can’t imagine my life without him.
Rachel, thank you for your heartfelt comment…I love what you shared “Change is scary as its unknown but I have came to the conclusion that might as well give it a try.” Heck YES! I can’t believe it’s been 9 months since T came into your life. You have done a beautiful job honoring and balancing your city and country sides by making sure you have both in your world. I have a feeling T may be the same way as he grows up? We already know what a country kid he is! Much love to you both, XO